trust.

goes a long way with me. The whole idea of being able to have someone there who I can count on and be able to tell everything to and know that they won't go around telling others is rare to find. Even through rough patches, I want to be able to still talk to him/her about everything, knowing that they won't judge. And if I'm away or they're away, I should be able to trust them and their actions.

why..

is everything seeming to go wrong..?

all the time i've spent studying for everything and it just feels like i'm not good enough. AP tests, omfg, way to boost up some self esteem huh? Not. I've had such a busy schedule this past year that I haven't really done anything that I want. I've been stuck at Lee's Review for hours at a time or in the stupid gym with my FREAKING ANNOYING coach who loves nothing more than to criticize my every move. Why do I even put up with all of this bullshit. I have been telling myself that all of this was for college, for my future. Why am I even lying to myself. I'm freaking considered like average here at my freaking high school. All these people getting better grades, better SATs, better everything. The last time I've gotten straight As on my report card was middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL DAMN IT. I've done all of this to be considered the average one at school.
Being rejected by 2/2 internships just makes everything even better. All of my extracurriculars that I put down, my ''achievements'', that all got me rejection letters by email. Great stuff huh. I'm done crying for all of this. I'm sick of this year. You know what's even worse? Having that feeling where you think you're losing your best friend. The one you thought this whole time was there for you through thick and thin, and then all of a sudden, the person's slowly drifting away. I thought we were the best of friends, so tight that that's why people say that our friendship was going to last. Now, you can't even answer the question of who is your best friend. You're my MAIN bestfriend, but it's okay, I'm not going to force anything on you. Maybe I'm the one who has changed, slowly becoming bitchy or something because of all this stress. I don't know, the whole feeling just sucks.

its all so stressful.

well since everyone is busy ''tumbling'' and stuff, i think i'll just stick to blogspot even though many people don't read it anymore. aha

everything is piling up so fast that I can hardly keep up. I've never felt so exhausted physically and mentally in my life. I honestly dont know how I'm going to get everything done; people are saying how proud or how much hope they have in me, it just adds more pressure. Junior year sucks, nothing good has come out of it. Everyone is freaking about classes, grades, SATs, ACTs, and its all so time consuming. I want to get away and just go to some place where I can just take a deep breath and feel calm and happy.

2011

is finally here !

I kinda took the time to think about all that has happened this year and well overall, it was a pretty good year. I am looking forward to a hopefully productive year where I will get a lot of things done by focusing on what's important. I've spent a lot of time of something that will probably never happen and I know it's time to change. Junior year will be an important aspect in determining my future. My grades have been really disappointing, and of course my mom isn't letting me forget that. I know I have to do well in order to even having a chance to getting into my dream college.
Sometimes, I just want to get away. Possibly go to the mountains, watch the sunset, enjoy the view. I just want to go somewhere where stress will not follow. I just need to get away from everything and everyone; take some time for myself and sort my mind. I am really looking forward to making the most of this year, do what I want to do and set up my future.

helllo

hi blogspot, i think i'm gonna come back and write on you again soon, just to talk about things and stuff.

okie dokers, adios for now

it's time..

to take a moment and look at myself and wonder how i got here today.
through everything, school, drama that wasted my life, and family.

to be honest, i'm quite content with where i'm at in life because i know who my real friends are. Those who stick with you through everything, and that means EVERYTHING. we don't have those times where we don't talk to each other. we're there for each other no matter what. it's funny though because some of the people i never expected that i would continue to talk to are some of the ones that are now my really close friends. I started to really understand the meaning of true friendship. Everyone agrees that friends are who will have your back and are there for you no matter what, but I never really found out who would be there 100% until junior year started. I've been very fortunate to have the friends that i have, even the one who is in a different school though because we have a bond that will not be broken. I can say that I'm disappointed that i've drifted from others and they've drifted from me, but honestly, those who I care about and those who care about me will always be there. It doesn't matter to me that some of you guys have changed and don't even bother to talk; if you're happy then that's all that matters.

FAMILY. there is so much to say about this topic. well first off, Cau 2, I will always love you. I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me and my family. You were the eldest of 10 kids and you always had that brotherly instinct. You were like a 2nd father to me, you cared about how I was doing in school and you always reminded me to strive for my best. I have succeeded in school thanks to your support and the urge to make you proud. When you and Cau 3 fought in the Vietnam War, you guys sacrificed your lives to try and protect your country. When you came to the US, nothing was different for you. You continued to be the responsible one and take care of grandpa and hold family parties. Our huge family would not have been so close if it weren't for you and your generosity. No amount of words will be ever enough to tell you how much I love you, how much I looked up to you, and how much I miss you right now. When I heard what happened, I cried my eyes out and then I became numb. It felt like part of my heat was torn off. The last couple of days have probably been the saddest days of my life. I will certainly never forget you and I will never forget the morals you have always taught me in life. You and Cau 3's picture are hanging on my wall and I know you guys are watching me. I love you so much and thank you very much for all you've done for me. I promise I will accomplish my goals and make you proud.

summer..

is not what I imagined it to be at all.

It's been nothing except SAT class, basketball, and summer work. I've only gone out like two times this whole summer. I haven't gone out to the beach like I've planned, not hung out with most of my friends, not lost any weight --x, and especially have not been productive this summer. I haven't finished a lot for my Gold Award at all so it's gonna be harder for me during the school year. I even dropped APUSH, believing that I didn't have time for it during school since I didn't even have time to do it this summer.
Well I guess, there's nothing I can really do, school starts in about 2 weeks and I gotta finish summer work. At this point, I am so determined that since SAT class was practically my summer, I will get my score that I intend to get on my SATs. I haven't gotten this far and prepared for nothing. Although some people may be surprised that one of my last resort for schools is places like UCI or UCLA, its not because I'm overboard and don't know what I'm talking about, it's because I'm determined to reach my goal. There are so many people at school that have better grades or have the same grades at me, but I'm so ready to get what I want.

nothing is going to stop me to get to my future.