goes a long way with me. The whole idea of being able to have someone there who I can count on and be able to tell everything to and know that they won't go around telling others is rare to find. Even through rough patches, I want to be able to still talk to him/her about everything, knowing that they won't judge. And if I'm away or they're away, I should be able to trust them and their actions.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
why..
is everything seeming to go wrong..?
all the time i've spent studying for everything and it just feels like i'm not good enough. AP tests, omfg, way to boost up some self esteem huh? Not. I've had such a busy schedule this past year that I haven't really done anything that I want. I've been stuck at Lee's Review for hours at a time or in the stupid gym with my FREAKING ANNOYING coach who loves nothing more than to criticize my every move. Why do I even put up with all of this bullshit. I have been telling myself that all of this was for college, for my future. Why am I even lying to myself. I'm freaking considered like average here at my freaking high school. All these people getting better grades, better SATs, better everything. The last time I've gotten straight As on my report card was middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL DAMN IT. I've done all of this to be considered the average one at school.
Being rejected by 2/2 internships just makes everything even better. All of my extracurriculars that I put down, my ''achievements'', that all got me rejection letters by email. Great stuff huh. I'm done crying for all of this. I'm sick of this year. You know what's even worse? Having that feeling where you think you're losing your best friend. The one you thought this whole time was there for you through thick and thin, and then all of a sudden, the person's slowly drifting away. I thought we were the best of friends, so tight that that's why people say that our friendship was going to last. Now, you can't even answer the question of who is your best friend. You're my MAIN bestfriend, but it's okay, I'm not going to force anything on you. Maybe I'm the one who has changed, slowly becoming bitchy or something because of all this stress. I don't know, the whole feeling just sucks.
all the time i've spent studying for everything and it just feels like i'm not good enough. AP tests, omfg, way to boost up some self esteem huh? Not. I've had such a busy schedule this past year that I haven't really done anything that I want. I've been stuck at Lee's Review for hours at a time or in the stupid gym with my FREAKING ANNOYING coach who loves nothing more than to criticize my every move. Why do I even put up with all of this bullshit. I have been telling myself that all of this was for college, for my future. Why am I even lying to myself. I'm freaking considered like average here at my freaking high school. All these people getting better grades, better SATs, better everything. The last time I've gotten straight As on my report card was middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL DAMN IT. I've done all of this to be considered the average one at school.
Being rejected by 2/2 internships just makes everything even better. All of my extracurriculars that I put down, my ''achievements'', that all got me rejection letters by email. Great stuff huh. I'm done crying for all of this. I'm sick of this year. You know what's even worse? Having that feeling where you think you're losing your best friend. The one you thought this whole time was there for you through thick and thin, and then all of a sudden, the person's slowly drifting away. I thought we were the best of friends, so tight that that's why people say that our friendship was going to last. Now, you can't even answer the question of who is your best friend. You're my MAIN bestfriend, but it's okay, I'm not going to force anything on you. Maybe I'm the one who has changed, slowly becoming bitchy or something because of all this stress. I don't know, the whole feeling just sucks.
Monday, March 14, 2011
its all so stressful.
well since everyone is busy ''tumbling'' and stuff, i think i'll just stick to blogspot even though many people don't read it anymore. aha
everything is piling up so fast that I can hardly keep up. I've never felt so exhausted physically and mentally in my life. I honestly dont know how I'm going to get everything done; people are saying how proud or how much hope they have in me, it just adds more pressure. Junior year sucks, nothing good has come out of it. Everyone is freaking about classes, grades, SATs, ACTs, and its all so time consuming. I want to get away and just go to some place where I can just take a deep breath and feel calm and happy.
everything is piling up so fast that I can hardly keep up. I've never felt so exhausted physically and mentally in my life. I honestly dont know how I'm going to get everything done; people are saying how proud or how much hope they have in me, it just adds more pressure. Junior year sucks, nothing good has come out of it. Everyone is freaking about classes, grades, SATs, ACTs, and its all so time consuming. I want to get away and just go to some place where I can just take a deep breath and feel calm and happy.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011
is finally here !
I kinda took the time to think about all that has happened this year and well overall, it was a pretty good year. I am looking forward to a hopefully productive year where I will get a lot of things done by focusing on what's important. I've spent a lot of time of something that will probably never happen and I know it's time to change. Junior year will be an important aspect in determining my future. My grades have been really disappointing, and of course my mom isn't letting me forget that. I know I have to do well in order to even having a chance to getting into my dream college.
Sometimes, I just want to get away. Possibly go to the mountains, watch the sunset, enjoy the view. I just want to go somewhere where stress will not follow. I just need to get away from everything and everyone; take some time for myself and sort my mind. I am really looking forward to making the most of this year, do what I want to do and set up my future.
I kinda took the time to think about all that has happened this year and well overall, it was a pretty good year. I am looking forward to a hopefully productive year where I will get a lot of things done by focusing on what's important. I've spent a lot of time of something that will probably never happen and I know it's time to change. Junior year will be an important aspect in determining my future. My grades have been really disappointing, and of course my mom isn't letting me forget that. I know I have to do well in order to even having a chance to getting into my dream college.
Sometimes, I just want to get away. Possibly go to the mountains, watch the sunset, enjoy the view. I just want to go somewhere where stress will not follow. I just need to get away from everything and everyone; take some time for myself and sort my mind. I am really looking forward to making the most of this year, do what I want to do and set up my future.
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